Talk Back to Your Inner Critic – Mastering Your Mindset

Last year I tried a barre workout at the gym for the first time. I was struck by the overwhelming negative thoughts that arose concerning my ability to follow the instructor and perform the moves correctly.

This experience transported me back to my 6-year-old ballet class, where I struggled to keep up. The teacher moved me to a different class, separating me from my friends and it solidified a belief that I wasn’t good enough, I’m too slow to catch on, and I’m not graceful. All those critical thoughts resurfaced during the barre class.

This experience exposed an old enemy I like to call “stinking thinking- a cycle of negative self talk that directs pessimistic judgments towards oneself through continuous internal dialogue, often focusing on assumed weaknesses, mistakes, and unrealistic expectations. This significantly affects confidence, stress levels, and can lead to paralysis in achieving goals when we are overly critical and unkind to ourselves.

When individuals get stuck in stinking thinking they often believe cognitive distortions-irrational though patterns that warp their perceptions of reality. Some common distortions include

Catastrophizing:imagining the worst possible outcome for example my family is arguing ,our relationship is falling apart.

All or nothing thinking: Viewing everything in a way so it has to be perfect or I’m a failure for example If my friend or partner doesn’t text me back in an hour they must hate me or I’m worthless.

Overgeneralizing: assuming one negative event means complete failure. An example of overgeneralization is I failed this exam, so I’m going to fail all of them.

Awareness of these and other cognitive distortions is the first step in managing negative self talk. When an individual is caught in a loop of stinking thinking consider these steps;
Be curious and kind to yourself . Instead of judging your thoughts, try asking “what if it works out? “This is a technique popularized by Mel Robbins that can help shift your perspective.

Question the evidence. Ask yourself “what evidence do I have for this thought?”A CBT technique challenging assumptions with facts can help individuals see the situation more realistically.

Use the best friend test. Ask yourself “would I talk to my best friend in this way?” This simple thought can instantly check how cruel an inner critic can be compared to how someone would treat a loved one. Hopefully you and your friends talk kindly to each other otherwise it may be time for some new friends.

Get curious about the source, explore the root of the feeling and ask yourself what is this feeling remind me of?

So I went back to the Barre class the next week. I shifted my mindset and I told myself I am good enough and I’m learning something new, I can catch on and don’t have to be perfect and I’m focusing on becoming more graceful with the moves. The second class was wonderful. I didn’t let negative self talk stop me from doing something with self compassion and kindness. Let me know what you struggle with around stinking thinking or things that help you when you have negative self talk.